(S)ex 1

My ex had the habit of having sex with me when I didn't want it. I would tell him no many times but it didn't matter. Sometimes he would start touching me when I was sleeping. Sometimes I tried to pretend to sleep but that didn't work. He would just keep going. Sometimes I just told him no but in the end I had to give in. He just would keep going until I gave in or if I didn't he would get mad at me. I suppose I should have been stronger and stand my ground. I'm not blaming him or anything since it was my fault for not being firm enough.
But even so these things have scarred me. I couldn't enjoy sex at all and I couldn't even touch myself because I would feel pain from the lightest touch. After we broke up I told myself that I would only date women from then on or be single. Well, I failed at those things and found myself a new, great and gentle bf <3. I was super jumpy at the beginning of our relationship because I had learned that touching was something painful. I still am a little jumpy but I'm getting better.


Kommentit

Lähetä kommentti

Tämän blogin suosituimmat tekstit

Someone's laughing at me!

Kuva
Sometimes when I'm home just doing my stuff and I hear my one of my neighbours laugh I'm sure they're somehow watching me and laughing at me. They've installed cameras or drilled tiny holes into the walls and are watching me. I'm not safe at my own house. They're laughing and giggling at me, pointing fingers and talking shit. I have no choice but to hide.
Lue lisää

Aliens

Kuva
I felt like I was not a human. I was being controlled by little aliens that lived inside my head. They had tiny control panels which they used to control my movement. I felt so trapped. The only way to get free was to die. That's what it felt like. But I simply almost got hit by a truck door and managed to get myself back.
Lue lisää

My dull hair

Kuva
I was a kid when my mother told me how she cheated on my father A LOT. Like, she even said she cheated on him on the wedding night. Anyway. There was this one blonde guy she slept with 20+ years ago. 9 months later, BAM! I was born. The only blonde in the family. Who knows if my father is my dad or this random dude is my dad. It would be interesting to know though. As I said, I'm the only blonde in the family. When I was 16 it became apparent my mother disliked my hair. She told me I need to change it somehow because it's so boring and dull. It has no colour at all. My already low self esteem crumbled. I mean, aren't mothers supposed to think their kids are beautiful? Not my mother. She had told me once I'm beautiful and that was when I was crying and she ordered me to keep on crying more so she could get a picture. Might draw about that later. Last fall I finally got my own colour back after years and years of dyeing it. And it's not that bad. I really feared tha...
Lue lisää